for the first time i dont feel so stressed to complete my notes during the study week.. gives me a lot more time to read up.. which i did today.. went to school at about 11 even though i wanted to go at 9 cause i woke up late.. printed all the accounts paper, then had lunch with lena at MENSA.. i miss the lamb shoulder.. but i think it was a bit too salty today.. like really really.. headed to the red spot section after lunch to read up on those areas im not sure on, and annoyingly, none of the books which i need for leisure and recreation are in the libary.. not even in the redspot.. looks like i'll just have to see mr lim in person to ask him questions.. but no hurry cause thats next friday.. speaking of which i better print out my exam timetable.. anyways left at about 3 for home.. been slacking since then.. had ngoh hiang with bee hoon for dinner.. reminds me back when i was young.. my dad used to order that and we used to share.. like in primary school days.. sigh.. all the memories

still cant believe its almost half a year since then.. still really miss him.. just too sudden and too early.. i remember he said he wanted to score a 100 this year, he wanted to use his laptop(now mine) to do some coaching drills.. he wanted to learn about wines.. so many things he wanted to do.. and didnt have the time to..

he was always very caring.. sacrificed a lot for us.. he never did say if he felt hurt or anything.. maybe cause he was brought up that way.. didnt really trouble ask with his problems.. which makes me wonder if he knew he was going to have a heart attack cause weeks before that it seemed like he didnt want anything new.. my mum wanted to get him a phone he said he didnt want to.. i bought a new suit and he wanted to share it.. maybe he knew something was up and didnt want to waste money.. i remember last year during my parents 24th anniversary.. he bought my mum a shirt from adidas.. then had to go and exchange it after giving it to my mum cause it was too small.. so we all went.. then at the shop my mum said actually that one quite nice.. then could see my dad was quite hurt.. cause when she was trying he told me he put so much effort and like it seems as though she didnt want it.. thats the first time i actually realised how he felt..

i remember back in primary school all the way to about sec 2 or 3.. he used to walk me to the bus stop.. accompany me until the bus arrived.. i used to sit on his lap in primary school while we waited.. there was once when he forgot to get me something for my project in primary 4 and he ran all the way to the shop to get it and made it back just when the bus came.. he never complained ever.. he used to buy dinner every night and take care of the house.. he would even buy when he comes back late.. and im at home and i didnt even offer to buy sometimes.. i miss those messages asking me what time i will be back and stuff.. i really feel bad that i never did spend time at home cause of projects and friends.. i know how it feels now.. the loneliness at home..

he was the best dad i could ever ask for.. very open.. i could talk to him about anything.. i could hang out with him.. play pool and watch movies.. he said he wanted to bring us all on a holiday not long ago to USA.. and it will never happen now.. i just imagined growing up with him being there for me.. theres still so much ahead of me.. like army, graduation, work, marriage, or even to introduce my girlfriend to him.. and i know he cant be there to listen to me or help me out

he was a really good person.. i miss his laughter, and his warmth.. seeing him with my mum was the cutest thing.. and all i have left is my mum.. i could feel her pain on that day.. i hate seeing my mum sad.. its just so depressing.. i hope whatever happens now my mum will be happy and she will be well taken care of..

so many things left unsaid, so many things i wanna tell him about the past 6 months.. so many memories.. a few regrets.. i wish he was still here.. i wish i was there during his last breath.. and i wish we did get to talk one last time

he took this photo with his new phone not too long before

so sweet.. these were the ony 2 photos in his phone.. the first one was my mum drinking beer from her trophy

here's to the best dad ever... i love you